RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS



Relationship-Problems, Mistakes in Relationship, Relationship Issues
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS


WHY DID I GET INTO IT?

WHY DID MY CHOSEN RELATION TURNED INTO A DISASTER?

It all started so well, we were happy, then WHY DID IT END?

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE STOP ME?


Do such questions keep haunting you and more over you don't have an answer to them?

At present also you are stuck up in a RELATIONSHIP that you don't want but now you feel you have no choice but just to live with it.

If you are too jumbled up with the thoughts of a bad relationship then, let me make you feel slightly better... "All of us are prone to face RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS which mostly arise due to common mistakes committed in our relationships, that too quite often."


For all of us it always STARTS WELL! 


Relationship-Problems
THE HAPPY BEGINNING!




Then after some time why the state of REGRET!


Relationship-Problems
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS EMERGE!


Humans are born to be erroneous. After all we are not an Absolute Being.

We get into relationships with a hope of never ending liveliness. Any relationship we choose for ourselves be it love, friendship, marriage brings a prospect of being together, sharing the smiles and tears, holding on tight to each other when crossing rough patches, a feeling of never being left alone... then why do some of us end up asking those above mentioned questions.

The major reason why Relationship Problems emerge is all because of faults, miscalculations or lapses in the bond chosen.

Ah Well! nobody ever wishes for PROBLEMS in a relationship that's for sure. Then HOW and WHEN do these problems creep in?

Most important WHAT are those common relationship problems that have  a tendency to show up at any stage of a relationship and get materialized if not handled correctly at the right hour. 

Let us identify some prevalent Problems in Relationships, find out Why do they emerge and some suggested Solutions for them.



MISTRUST, DISBELIEF AND INSECURITIES


You've taken up a relationship as your own choice and want to be happily involved in it but you get an enemy introduced into your wonderful relation when you either stop believing the other person involved in it or start doubting your own self. 

Lack of Trust is the most common concern. You have made a decision but at some stage either your start doubting the worth of your own choice or doubt the integrity of your partner.

The major reason underneath Mistrust is  being utterly possessive about your partner and the bond that exists. Certainly your relationship bonds are not meant to be shared with a third person but they should give some space to both the partners to breath.

These problems of mistrust become chronic if any of the partners is extremely obsessive about the bond.

Most common issues is when a partner starts doubting the other, silently asks questions to their own self about the integrity of their partner and devise their own answers. Too much negative self talk is extremely harmful and strengthens mistrust.

There are a lot of times when we see something or hear something from our own senses but still the reality is different from what it appears. If you are stuck in such situations be careful as they are very tricky and deceptive.

Blind trust on the statements and comments of a third person about you partner is another big blunder that leads to problems of mistrust.

Once this mistrust wriggles in and slowly starts gaining grounds it gives birth to another related problem of complete Disbelief in your partner. At this stage whatever your partner says or does is majorly haloed by your self generated doubts and suspect. 

The third major concern that comes from the same family tree of relationship problems is Insecurity. Where there is mistrust and disbelief the next thing that makes you unhappy in the relationship is the thought that you would lose the relationship or a feeling that your status in the bond is at risk. A monstrous FEAR - "What if it ends?" OR "What if somebody else takes my place?" OR "What if I lose everything in this relation?"

Well! all such flimsy questions of insecurities arise out of your own self generated fears and feelings, ultimate possessiveness about the person and your relationship with him or her.

All three - Mistrust, Disbelief and Insecurities create a vicious circle which seems impossible to break. It just keeps going on and on till you end up with it.

What to do? The Solution

It is of utmost significance that you have faith in yourself and your choice of getting into a bond with another human being.

First of all Trust your own self and your decision of getting into the relationship. Do not ever doubt your own choice.

Later if at any stage you feel there is something skeptical, doubtful and contradictory without any second thought confront it. Now here's the catch, by confronting people usually mean being aggressive, losing temper, fighting and making a nasty conversation.

This confrontation has to be handled very carefully by choosing the right time for it, reading the mindset of the other person with whom you want this confrontation and a extremely prudent choice of words. Make an attempt to get clarity on your perception by making a confrontation at the best possible time and occasion.

The ultimate piece of my suggestion is never try an attempt to get clarity on your skepticism from any other source or third party who has nothing to do with your relation. Even if you take suggestions from others it is not mandatory you follow them blindly. Think and make a move that is most favorable for your relation.

Never make the mistake of exerting yourself too much by making assumptions emerging out of your mistrust. Do not let the issue keep troubling you in your heart and mind. Not informing the other person about the apprehensions relation to him or her is unfair on their part. The other person should be given a fair chance to put up their side of the story.

Contradicting issues is completely fine but while making any communication to confront the problem do not ever lose the grace of your relationship.

Beware of all those illogical thoughts and doubts leading to superabundant insecurities which ultimately brings casualty to the relationship. 



TAKING FOR GRANTED



This is one common problem that occurs in most of the relationships.

Presumptuous outlook towards the relationship and overconfidence with regards to the existence of the other person in the relationship is in the real sense demeaning the beautiful bond that exists.

Global Truth! All of us would like to be in a place that deserves us and emphasis on our significance.

Ask a simple question to your self...Would you ever like to re-visit a place where people ignored you, overheard you, missed greeting and complimenting you. In simple terms "do not acknowledge your existence"

If your answer is a "NO" then same applies to a relationship.

A serious complaint that most of the people make these days is that they are taken for granted in their special relationship and this is quite hurting for them and demotivates them to continue with the relationship.

Ask your self another question... " Am I the one who is giving my partner the same feeling?" OR "Am I the one who is getting this feeling from my partner?"

Doesn't matter, whether you are at the performing end or at the receiving end of the Taken For Granted Problem. The issue is that recognition, support, endorsement, confirming, defending and upholding is missing in your relationship.

Over familiarity has made either both of you or at least one of you commit the crime of not recognizing and appreciating the existence of your significant other, which is identical to not supplying oxygen to let your relationship keep breathing.

What to do? The Solution

It is extremely important to be thankful for the slightest contribution made by the other person in the relationship and at the same time keep acknowledging the presence of the significant other in your life. All this should be irrespective of the number of years you have spent in your relationship. 

Noticing and quoting the relevancy of the other person in your life will always give this person a sense of importance and special place in your life which will ultimately develop a feeling of being in the relationship forever.

Why would the other person move out of a relationship where he or she is given a well deserving place and never ending recognition?

Once this input is taken into relationships it would also eliminate  insecurities if any. 

Remember those good old days when you appreciated every single word and act of your partner ? 

Then why to hesitate and stop doing it now or for that matter forget about it?

Keep acknowledging as life gives you ample opportunities to do so. 

Don't regret later!

Beware of your presumptuous attitude in your special relationship. This taken for granted perspective can take your loved ones away from you forever. No body would like to come back to you if you take them for granted. 



INTEGRITY


Any relationship needs honesty and sincerity for it's long time survival.


Integrity issues have become very common be it metropolis or suburbs. 

Here it is a not about doubting the integrity of your partner rather the presence of a real integrity issue. 

Cheating on your partner...

Breach of Trust is less of a relationship problem and more of a relationship crime.

Quite possible you are not happy in your current relationship and can see new prospects of a better relationship at some other place. It is also quite possible that you tried your best to be in the current relationship but due to the lack of co-operation of your partner it did not work out. There could be any genuine reason why you were not happy in the relationship and wanted a better life. 

You had an urge to move out but...

That does not give you a licence to cheat on your partner. 

Deficiency or complete absence of integrity is a very own choice of an individual and is never forced by any one.

Ask yourself... "Am I the one doing it?" If YES, do not blame your partner or the incompatibility in the relationship for your ill deed.

Lack of integrity means the fault is not with the relationship it is with the individual cheating on his or her partner.

There are various aspects to integrity - where people might want to be in their current relationship but still keep hiding things from their partners or  do not share information, issues and concerns which their partners deserve to know. So it is not always about cheating on your partner for some other person even if you unnecessary hiding things, lie irrationally that too quite frequently, talk ill about your partner behind their back....all this comes under lack of integrity.

What to do? The Solution

At the first place if you really want to move out of your current relationship as it's not working at all, be sincere enough to explain the same to yourself and prompt enough to inform your partner about it. Be careful with your communication.

In the second situation, you not only want to move out of the relationship as it's not working after all your efforts but you even have a prospect at hand (most common scenario). Here you have to be prompt enough not only towards your current partner but also towards your prospective partner as you will have to disclose you current status to both of them.

The third situation is the most drastic because here I am talking abut people who are Habitual Deceivers and do not hesitate in taking advantage of others for there own wishes. In this situation they don't have to do any thing rather people coming in contact with such people have to be conscious about the dreadful intentions of such people and stay away from them as they do not deserve any human bond.

Just make sure if you are moving out from any relationship you do not leave the other person in lurch. No body intentionally cheats on any one people usually do it to avoid the harsh consequences of being sincere in disclosing their decisions to their partner or sometimes to keep up to the social status.

In a situation where you have no complaint from your relationship but you just hide or avoid putting forward the reality in front of your partner is equally harmful to your relationship. Be sincere in sharing your feelings, thoughts, decisions and acts with your partner which is their right in the relationship. Hiding things and being dishonest with any facet of your life can be devastating for the relationship.

Beware, be it anything do not ever get the tag of a Deceiver just because you were not sincere with your own self.



MONEY MATTERS



Relationships do get affected because of monetary issues. In both conditions where people either have a scarcity or abundance of this ultimate thing relationship imbalances are bound to happen.

Ask your self this one...  "Are we always fighting over monetary issues?" "Why is our every conversation centering around money?"

If this is happening there is a significance presence of relationship problem.

If you keep thinking that your relationship would have been in a better shape if your monetary condition was better or financial executions were more efficient or the fund distribution had a better proportion, then you seriously need to sort this, as present underneath is a relationship issue

What to do? The Solution

Most important, be financially independent. Both the partners will be in a better place if they earned their own share of living. Being financially dependent on your partner for no genuine reason puts a lot of burden on the your partner which leads to arguments, cold wars and blaming each other (sometimes or quite frequently)

If both you are earning make sure the expenditures are proportionately divided as per the income earned by each partners.

A clear consensus on how the earned income would be disposed under expenses and who will take what liability under specific circumstances would be of extreme help in avoiding relationship problems arising because of monetary concerns.

Prominent demarcations on such issues will always give a better clarity in the relationship.

Do not make the mistake of hiding any portion of your earnings or expenses from your partner because the day it gets exposed you will be in the worst situation.

If any serious financial help is required ask for assistance from your partner at the first stage but do not compel him or her to help you. 

Never compare the genuineness or the worth of your partner with his or her financial valuation.

Do not make the mistake of checking or warning your partner for the excess expenses she or he makes. A better way is to be disciplined about following the established norms of proportionate expenditures and not taking the burden of your partner's expenses if she or he is continually making questionable expenses. Remember to share the financial load of your partner not the load of illegitimate expenditures.

But all this has to be done smoothly avoiding arguments and quarrels and by not exposing the mistakes of the other.

Do not give up your self esteem.



PUSHING THE OTHER PERSON TOWARDS A CHANGE


All of us suffer from this major weakness where we always want to change something or the other in the person we are related to.

Yes! Its true but we rarely accept this at the conscious level.

Lot of times people casually quote "Accept people into relationships the way they are."

So what's difficult here, as we very easily accept the other person the way they are when we start a relationship but the actual problem outsets when we start living this relationship. Then creeps in the need of changing something or the other in the person we are with.

Acceptance is not the the problem the real issue is keeping this acceptance intact forever.

Once you start the journey of your relationships, you reach half way through and you feel the need of making some customized alterations in the other person as per your wishes.

Comparing your significant other with some one you admire, asking this person to be like someone else and adopt practices which are natural traits of some other human being is simply unjustified. 

In some cases people even ask the other person to bring alterations in their habits, likes and dislikes, lifestyles and profession so that their own life is at ease.

Completely Unfair Expectation!

What to do? The Solution

Keep up to your decision. You chose a person the way he or she was and loved the other person for their habits and lifestyle. 

Then what happened now?

All this seems to be a direct resultant of taken for granted attitudes in relationships.

So first of all as mention previously emphasize on the significance of the existence of the other person in your life and this will to a great extent curb your desire to make changes.

Even if you still feel that any alteration is required this should not be made in any individual rather changes should be designed in the related facets of life for example - socialization, economic condition and communication compatibility. All this should be done  so that both the individuals can adjust to a maximum extent by being in their original form (their original traits and personalities). 

Beware of the intolerant attitude where people compel their partners to change just for the sake of their ease and preferences. If you have accepted some person the way he/she is be honest enough to stick to your decision.



NOT GIVING SPACE



Yes! your are into a lovey bond with a person but then what made you feel you can completely trespass the territory of this person as and when you feel

Not giving space is another big problem.

Usually this crime is committed unknowingly but is a serious offense. It mostly happens as a result of insecurities related to the relationship. Remember as mentioned earlier the lack of trust...

Would you appreciate if you were asked to live your life 24/7 under CCTV surveillance? I am sure "NEVER". Then why would the other person prefer it?

Frequent battering through questions that start with - who, why, when, where and how gives clear indications to the other person that you lack trust and simultaneously also disrespects your partner.

Of course! and then the suffocated other looks for alternative open places to at least breath. Which I am sure you would never want.

What to do? The Solution

Don't appear to be an unmasked spy in the life of the other person you are related to just give them their own space to think, feel, believe, create and after all...BREATH.

On the flip side if you feel that you are not given space by your partner then without any delay disclose your real feelings and difficulties that you are facing because of lack of space. May be your partner is not aware of what he or she is doing to you. So just make them acknowledge it.

But if this lack of space continues and has become serious where you are not able to do your normal routine activities, perform in your job and your other relationships with your friends and family  members are getting affected then it's the time to take a call on your relationship.

If your are the one who is completely fair with your partner but still are suffering because of no space being provided to you then you certainly deserve to live a better life, so move out but gracefully.

Also if you are the one who is completely aware that you are trespassing the space of your partner then hold on and bring an end to it. 

Do not choke your own bond!

Keep faith in yourself and your destiny. Your continuous violation of the right of privacy of the other person can be alarming for you.

Anything that grows and develops needs space. Same goes with relationships, if you want it to flourish give space to your partner.

Beware of completely taking away the space and freedom of the person you want to be with forever. Live and let live. 



Problems come along with their solutions.

Relationships are there to make us feel secured, happy and wanted. Make sure not to ruin them by some common blunders generated through irrational thoughts, habits and external influences.


Cherish the bond you created.



Keertika Sharma - Personali Progressio






   

Keertika Sharma






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